The Materia Times
Materia Weekly News
Curator: Fabzy Wabzy
SINCE ????
vvv READ THE LATEST ISSUE HERE vvv
Editor: Fabzy Wabzy
31/12/2024
The Materia Times
VOL. 10 No. 1
SINCE 2077
MATERIA REWIND 2024
January
The Materia Times has not debuted yet... Only word of mouth spread the drama in those days... But once upon a time, the server slept, and the slump wall grew...
February
The Materia Times debuts! The first issue of The Materia Times, once known as The L*gma Times, brought to light the inner drama of the <NEET> FC and the bench that once was... And who could forget the legendary Rizzy Lee fake death.
March
A quiet month for what the rest of the year had in store for us... A rat in our midst reports The Times and forces a name change from The L*gma Times to The Materia Times...
A name thief was on the prowl...
April
Though technically still in late March, we saw the arrival of the plague to the Materia, <Voyager>'s... Their arrival brought over all the rats, cross-DC smugglers, and PF terrorisers. Little did we know that this would later test the loyalty of all Materia citizens to remain on the server, or become a Voyager dog.
May
May was an eventful month that brought us the first? Just Juice Hair Spray live musical, the exposition of the inner workings of Materia Council, the controversial drama of the infamous Succ Den, the record Red Velvetcakes human auctions, and the return of the Rizzy of Lee's.
Mr. Summerset was never to be seen again...
Editor: Fabzy Wabzy
31/12/2024
The Materia Times
VOL. 10 No. 2
SINCE 2077
June
Late June we saw the release of Yawntrail and the server first race to 100 began. Xenophobia against <Voyager>'s is on the rise as FC's against them emerge and The Materia Council is in shambles.
July
July brought us job changes that caused healer strikes and a funeral for Black Mages as they hang up the staff for the brush. The new raid created an army of Honey B. Lovely worker bees, and the creation of the Materia Times Fellowship (you should join it!).
August
August, a calm month where we discovered the insane gil making methods by Tihra Sweets, and the official first Materia Times Merch was released.
In case you missed it...
September, the beginning of the venue drama storm. PF's began to flood with drama with the opening debut of the VENOM venue. Just Juice announces the Materia Awards, and The Ducc Den continues to brew up trouble with The Succ Den. Little did we know this was just the beginning.
September
October
The best month of drama. The Bathhouse Bomber incident that lead to the all out war between The Mermer Hamimi and VENOM. PF continues to fill with personal drama and cases of venues taking the law into their own hands.
November
Though no more Materia Times were released, we still witnessed another release of a Just Juice production. The Succ Den closes down for the month and we saw The Ducc Den take over their venue as squatters and flex their rights. Closing off the month we saw Materia's first FRU clear by ethics!
December
To close the year off, the Materia Awards winners hosted by Just Juice were announced and these were the winners and respective awards:
Papi Chai (Limsa Statue), Gerald Hart (Raiding Legend), Meteor Tribal (Party Finder Hero), Lala Lala (Best Venue), Wren Belmont (Fashionista), Chai Dynasty (Best FC), Hrothmarket (Best Event), Raiosu Eucliffe (PvP Legend), Wheat Tea (Deciple of Media).
~ Happy New Year from The Materia Times <3 - Fabzy Wabzy ~
Editor: Fabzy Wabzy
19/10/2024
The Materia Times
VOL. 9 No. 1
SINCE THE CALAMITY
THE UNENDING VENUE WAR
Prelude:
The Slipper Incident
To understand all the drama that has happened in the last few weeks, we must take it back to the beginning, luckily, Fabz45 in the Morn' has all the tea for you. One night, VENOM visit the Turkish Bathhouse "Mermer Hamimi" to unwind. Bunni Bnuuy, being the troublemaker he is, throws a slipper at his friend. Little did he know that he had breached the rules and would invoke the wrath of Eirena, Host of Mermer Hamimi, resulting in his ban. A minor issue that was quickly resolved with VENOM Mother, Odessai bailing her children out.
Above: Reenactment of the slipper incident.
Act 1: The Bath House Bomber
A few days later an incident unfolded that would spark the war between venue owners and present the greatest mystery since the 2nd Umbral Era. An unknown perpetrator drops a nuclear warhead dote VFX at the bath house followed by DSR timewarp clocks. The explosion reportedly caused 15 people to vanish from the realm. Quick to react, Eirena assumes from previous altercations that Bunni is the prime suspect, swiftly being banned again. Mother Odessai, once again has to step in to bail him out, explaining that he had nothing to do with it.
Act 1.5: The Aftermath
VENOM deny all responsibility of the incident and the Bathhouse admits that Bunni was banned in hopes to find out who the real perpetrator is. Truly a mystery of our time as no one really knows who it was till this day. If anyone has any information on who this is, please contact a Materia Times representative.
(Looking at you Oli Ver, #1 prime suspect...)
However, it seems that the dust has settled, and the confusion was set straight. Materia sleeps happily... or so we thought...
Act 2: The Incident
This following Act has been left intentionally vagueOne chance, two chance, three times too far. VENOM members arrive at the venue once again and an altercation occurs that would cause the final straw to be broken. Accusations, rumours, and scandals result in VENOM and all associated parties to be permanently banned from The Mermer Hamimi. Could this be a ploy to take down the Bathhouse, or perhaps the accusations are true? One thing we do know is that this would prove to be vital drama lore in the following days to come.
The Succ or Chai Gamba?
Perhaps the reason The Succ table is always full?
Think the drama is over? Think again! Act 3 on the back! Continue reading!!!
Editor: Fabzy Wabzy
19/10/2024
The Materia Times
VOL. 9 No. 2
SINCE THE CALAMITY
Act 3: A Not-So-Sunshine Day
On a separate night following the VENOM x Bathhouse war, PF once again is sparked with drama. Professional escalator Sister Sunshine takes to the PF to riot against the injustice committed against her. Supporters, victims, and bystanders gather outside the Bathhouse as they protested and demand justice. As it seemed, a mass banning from the bathhouse happened, and Sister was one of the victims. Eirena states that Sister was banned due to an illicit bribe attempt as well as conspiring against the Bathhouse with deliberate and malicious attacks while Sister claims she was banned for no reason. Other victims at the scene also reported being banned for no reason.
There seems to be an occurring trend these days with who is involved in PF drama. As on a separate occasion we once again see Sister Sunshine take to the PF to protest her yet another banning "for no reason" from Ye Ol Pub. Is this targetted or warranted? Who really knows...
Capucine L. and Lenore L. rock TMT merch.
Swilly Mac Pizza Business Grows
Swilly Mac from the 24/7 Materia Pizza Delivery "Pizza Time" is spotted with a new sidekick! Business seems to be booming when you have a bargain of 10k Gil for a large Pizza with FREE delivery! They should consider investing in adding Milk to their menu for the late night snacks.
Above: Swilly Mac w/ sidekick Lilithy Timbers
Love is in the air?
A Voyager spotted on Materia advertising a PF in search for love. Fabz45 in the Morn' is on the case to find out their ideal kitten. We asked him the important questions to find out his ideal love, and here are the traits he is looking for ->
She must be:
- A stripe-less kitten.
- Willing to transfer to Dynamis.
- Be able to flex all roles.
- Be able to provide purpose and love that he could not provide himself.What she gets:
- Tinctures and Food provided.
- Beachside Mansion
- Share of HALF A BILLION GIL.
Johnny Roulette Partyfinder
Johnny Roulette takes to the PF to spill his heart out... Not the best place to vent your private personal problems. Perhaps a revisit to the Lovebringers is in order?
Editor: Fabzy Wabzy
23/09/2024
The Materia Times
VOL. 8 No. 1
SINCE 2024
VENOM DEBUT SPARKS PF OUTRAGE
What is the tea!?
The question that's been on on everyone's mind. On the 20th of September, the grand opening night of the new venue VENOM, many venue dogs were in attendance, excited for a new place to go to on a Friday night. It didn't take long until the party finder began to flood with questionable listings. Fabz45' in the Morn' is on the case, though it is not as juicy tea as one hoped.
We asked Odessai Ura, host of VENOM on their story, and here's what we know. An alleged stalker,
Just Juice
Materia Awards?
From the creators of the Hair Spray musical, Just Juice announced the Materia Awards! Vote for your most influential Materia person! Who is your nominee?
The Materia Times
FELLOWSHIP
Fellowships? What is that? A large number of Materia citizens appear to have not known about the existence of Fellowships. So here is a tutorial from yours truly, Fabzy Wabzy. Never miss out on BIG NEWS AND BIG DRAMA ever again! An in-game alerts, LIVE updates, and polls community feature!
Is Chai Trivia running out of Gil?
A Chai boosted round only a mere 250k Gil and trivia answers 100k!... Times are tough.
Editor: Fabzy Wabzy
23/09/2024
The Materia Times
VOL. 8 No. 2
SINCE 2024
The <Voyager> War Continues
<Voyager>'s come into our zoo enclosure, and expect us to play by their rules? The audacity on these people... During an S-Wank hunt train <Voyager>'s get grumpy as they aren't able to adhere to Materia's hunt etiquette. You snooze, you lose.
They have completely lost the plot! Maybe Arthars was right all along... Every now and then you find a <Voyager> advertising their venue on a different data centre like we can magically escape the zoo.
But... perhaps not all <Voyager>'s are bad. Meet Zante Prayer, a gnoblin from Adamantoise, spotted on a quiet night in Materia, here to craft gear for free! If you're broke, make sure to take this opportunity to get some free crafted lvl 100 sets!
The Ducc Den?
Taking over the PF whenever The Succ is open. A parody? The real deal perhaps? Fabz45' in the Morn' is on the case to find out. We interviewed the person in charge to find out more. Started out as a parody open venue from Costa del Sol, now turned official. Perhaps a venue review is in order...
CHOCOBO RACERS WANTED!
Do you have a super bird and looking to make BIG money racing with your genetically mutated roided inbred freak of a bird!? Do you want to finally make use of all the hours of grinding farming up for the perfect dog? Look no further! Contact a Materia Times representative for more info!
Guess the Silhouette?
Can you guess who this is?
Don't forget to check the Archives to read past issues you may have missed!
Editor: Fabzy Wabzy
31/08/2024
The Materia Times
VOL. 7 No. 1
SINCE BEFORE TIME
BIG ANNOUNCEMENTS
from THE MATERIA TIMES
The OFFICIAL
T.M.T. Fellowship
The official Materia Times Fellowship has just been launched! Keep up to date with the latest news and releases! Get in-game LIVE notifications on all things Materia! Polls, merch, active fights and drama watch alerts and more!
Don't miss out on BIG NEWS AND BIG DRAMA!Contact your nearest TMT representative for an invite (aka send a tell to yours truly, Fabzy Wabzy) or search for us on the Fellowship Finder!
The OFFICIAL
T.M.T. Merch
The official Materia Times Merchandise just dropped! Rock the latest, most fashionable drip in Eorzea while supporting your favourite news agency. Note not all merch is in stock at launch, please check again soon or ask for a preorder!
Click the link below!
The Materia Times is looking for aspiring tailors and fashion professionals.
Tweets, Sweets, and Gil
The hottest buzz in town is word of the infamous Tihra Sweet's, ingenious Gil making venture. A simple tweet gone viral, causing millions and billions of Gil to flood her way. Fabz45 in the Morn' goes live on the case to find out more behind the scenes.
Tihra Sweet ventures into an untapped market, selling exclusive signed designer Hard Leather Chokers at a premium. Try them out for yourself on Ravana Marketboard now!
It is estimated that Tihra could be close to breaking 9 figures in Gil. She has since accumulated a farm of pay piggies who provide her with an endless supply of Gil. Truly an inspiring entrepreneur.
Above: Tihra kindly donates a specially handcrafted choker for The Materia Times to review.
At first glance it may appear like any ordinary choker, but this one is different. The HQ choker comes with a special engraving of Tihra Sweets name and with that comes status. You are now.. Tihra's pet.
Within days, knock-off counterfeits have appeared on the market boards claiming to be of the same quality. But only the chokers signed by Tihra will have any remote value...
Editor: Fabzy Wabzy
31/08/2024
The Materia Times
VOL. 7 No. 2
SINCE BEFORE TIME
The Grumpy Sprout
Meet Mr. Hopper, a sprout tank who pulled no more 2 mobs at a time in a level 80 dungeon. Me the healer, kindly sends rescues and pulls of encouragement to train our young tank into a hardened fearless warrior. Didn't make it to the first boss before foul language began to spout from his mouth. He then refused to participate as we completed the boss without him.
Let's just say...
Guess the Silhouette?
Can you guess who this is?
The real winners are the losers.
Love is in the air
Fresh off the press, on the 30th of August, Shuyumi Sagenki hosted a speed friend dating event. All kinds of people connected and mingled. There were Russians, rats, McDonalds, and even a Towel Sniffer. A great environment with LIVE NATTY barding music and refreshments. Keep an eye out in PF for the next event!
The rise, disappearance, and fall of Kal Co. FC.
Kal Co., one of the earliest mega FC's of Materia that rivaled even CHAI in cult status. The uniform still recognizable till this day with the signature Kal Co. blue. Within a week they completely disappeared and only until recently was a lone Kal Co. member spotted in Li*ma, looking like they have hit rock bottom.
The Wings Incident
On a quiet Friday afternoon, an Ex2 mount merc run was created. Here is what we know...
>7:21 PM: Treish puts up the PF.
>7:56 PM: Mount drops, master looter is not on.
>7:57 PM: Treish loses the role to a master theif. Everyone leaves.
>8:00 PM: Treish does not pay out as they did not win the mount, as stated in the terms and conditions of the party.
>8:06 PM: Blaine Bradford takes to the streets to cause a ruckus, besmirching Treishes name as a dishonourable merc runner.
>8:29 PM: Blaine Bradford still causing a ruckus.
>8:36 PM: Treish pays Blaine to silence him.Who do you think is in the wrong and who won the mount!?!?
Editor: Fabzy Wabzy
28/06/2024
The Materia Times
VOL. 6 No. 1
SINCE 2072 A.D.
GOOBBUE ENDWALKER,
HELLO YAWNTRAIL
THE SWEATY RACE BEGINS
Story skippers, Wondrous Tail preppers, challenge log sweaters all set off in a dash to complete all of the new content on launch. Meanwhile YOU are reading this while you idle in the new town probably. Smh...
Above: Materia says bye in a final gpose before everyone was forced to touch grass for two days.
THE HROTHGAR DILEMMA
With the advent of female Hrothgars, will the fabled mythical straight male Hrothgar finally be found? Perhaps even find multiple? Or will we be on the long search for the mythical straight female Hrothgal?
NEW EXPANSION, NEW DRAMA!
Yawntrail is here and with it, new drama to come. Stay tuned for your latest BIG, JUICY, FRESH YAWNTRAIL DRAMA.Does this mean past drama is in the past? YES NOPE! READ MORE ON BACK!
Editor: Fabzy Wabzy
28/06/2024
The Materia Times
VOL. 6 No. 2
SINCE 2072 A.D.
MATERIA XENOPHIBIA
ON THE RISE!
Tensions rise as <Voyager>'s have forgotten they are existing in foreign lands. Materia citizens have taken up voice to express their distaste. A new FC emerges with the promise of keeping Materia safe from <Voyager>'s.
Do NA <Voyager>'s know basic geography?
Classic NA geography knowledge has <Voyager> confusing OCE for SA.
PARANOIA STRIKES THE MATERIA COUNCIL
With the secrets of The Materia Council coming to light, paranoia begins to grow within their ranks. Panic ensues and the scramble to silence conspirers begins.
Some members begin to draw parallels to completely unrelated things. This poor FC <RATS> caught in the crossfire and is labeled as a mere <CHAI> parody.
NOTICE: Under no circumstance would journalist Fabzy Wabzy ever Self-Destruct should they suddenly disappear.
DONT BE LIKE THIS GUY
FRIENDLY REMINDER TO TURN OFF YOUR EMOTE CHAT LOG!!!!!Navigate to your Emote window > Untick "Display Log Message" at the bottom!
THE MATERIA TIMES LABELED AS BIASED??
Wild accusations thrown around as an anonymous new character precasts 3 paragraphs of rants to a TMT representative about how we spread misinformation then logs out when questioned. TMT is for the people and everything you read is the voice of Materia.
ARDBERT O'STILLTIDE, PROFESSIONAL BRAIN OFF'ER CONFIRMED
Previously suspected android Ardbert O'Stilltide has been confirmed to infact be human! Or perhaps the androids have evolved to mindcontrol their FC members?
TROUBLE AT THE DEN.
AGAIN.
Just when we thought we could put this story to bed, more people have contacted TMT representatives to share their experiences at The Den.
Will this be the last time premier journalist Fabzy Wabzy is allowed into the den?
We shall see..
Once again The Den has been exposed to discriminate. This time however, against Hrothgars. It has been reported that Hrothgars are being denied services! Only time will tell if Hrothgals will be allowed...
Additionally, word has it that competitions were held and rigged so that the winners are the staff and friends! Should this be true will cause great outrage amongst venue goers.
Some say streamer Arthars is still yapping about why cross DC travel is a bad idea..
Editor: Fabzy Wabzy
09/06/2024
The Materia Times
VOL. 5 No. 1
SINCE 124 B.C.
LORDS, LIARS, WITCHES AND RATS
THE UNDERGROUND DEALINGS OF THE MATERIA COUNCIL
What is, or who is "The Materia Council"? Fabz45 in the Morn' is on the case to uncover the truth behind it all, while very much putting their own life at risk. They say it is unwise to meddle in the affairs of the rich, especially in that of the billionaire and Council's ring leader, Mr. Chai, but Materia must know the truth.The Materia Council, a covert group of elite FC Lords assembled at the inception of Materia. It is important to know that smaller FC's are not welcome amongst the elite and only the "chosen" ones are invited into the ranks.
<The Honest Gillionaire> Papi Chai
RAT AMONGST LORDS
It was officially reported that The Materia Council has a Rat Lord who has been leaking critical insider information. Who could this be? The Rat Lord exposed The Council's shady discussions regarding <NEET>, The Nitos, Kleshnook, and even Mr. Summerset. The Materia Times would request that the Rat Lord contact a representative with critical information. The world must know the truth.
EXHIBIT A - THE NITOS
Many have been speculating behind the reason on why the Nitos have left Materia. Fabz45 in the Morn' is on the case:
The Nitos on their alts claim The Council has been targeting them, driving them away, as well as rejecting <NEET>'s application.
EXHIBIT B - Summerset
Mr. Summerset confesses to being another victim of the witch hunts that have been coming from The Council. After joining <CHAI> he has been silenced from speaking out on any more of his troubles.
No one really knows what The Councils true purpose is, but we can only observe the actions that come from them and deduce.
Right: Missing person posters found around Li*ma for Mr. Summerset. A coincidence?
THE SUCC DEN
OR THE SUCK DEN??
The Succ Den, guilty of discrimination & selective treatment??? Read more on back.
Editor: Fabzy Wabzy
09/06/2024
The Materia Times
VOL. 5 No. 2
SINCE 124 B.C.
TROUBLE AT
THE SUCCUBUS DEN
Another special edition story coming straight from Eorzeas #1 Journalist, Fabzy Wabzy. On a cool Saturday night, 25th May, I visited one of Materia's famed venues with my squad. We were enjoying our night quietly observing the creatures that roam the venues but it didn't take long before the first incident occurred:
The Succ Den discriminates against those who require service animals when clearly, the number of polygons that existed on my service rat is a mere fraction to that of the animals there that night.
Feeling unsafe without my service rat, I employed a bodyguard to protect our newly claimed area in the venue. Only those with the password were allowed into our self-proclaimed VIP lounge.
Istermay Icklepae's first day on the job as a bodyguard doing his finest work. Only those with the pssword were allowed in the lounge.
Murder at The Succ
With our bodyguard and private section established, we were enjoying our night in peace. Our enjoyment however, caught the attention of many and jealousy quickly started to spread throughout the venue. A simple rule, no password = no entry.The Succ staff were happy to let our enjoyment slide for the moment, until the forbidden word was uttered... "VIP".
Without hesitation the staff stormed the room, bypassing Istermay and killing all my immersion. The no fun police had arrived, and had murdered Istermay. In the blink of an eye, our peace and night was ruined...
Very Serious staff miss the irony don't realize they are LIVE on Fabz45 in the Morn'
#JusticeForIstermay
Istermay Icklepae, left to bleed to death on the floor of The Succ... no help to be found in sight. They took everything from him... #JustiveforIstermay :pensive: :fist:
In just one night, Istermay lost his love, his purpose, and his life...
Censored Reviews!
One thing Fabz45 in the Morn' hates is censoring the truth. After the incidents, I only wished to express my experiences of the night by leaving an honest and sincere review on the message book. I barely made it to the exit before my message was deleted.
Fabz45 in the Morn'
Final Venue Score:
-1 no TT table, -1 no fun police, -1 angry staff, -1 no service rats, +1 creature watching, +1 VIP corner, +1 Istermay
FINAL VENUE SCORE: 4/10
OTHER AND OLDER NEWS
READ MORE ON BACK... AGAIN!!
Editor: Fabzy Wabzy
09/06/2024
The Materia Times
VOL. 5 No. 3
SINCE 124 B.C.
OLDER NEWS
Hairspray Musical
Materia saw the first LIVE ACTION Musical play directed by Just Juice, based on the Hairspray Musical. An amazing showing with great production, budget spent everywhere except on sound engineers to control audio peaking.
Da Rizzler Returns
Rizzy Lee faked his own death and has returned. His lies exposed, his honour tarnished. At least he is an Alpha Leggy though...
For a brief Moment, Materia stood still. The great DDOS attack wiped out 85% of the servers population. Only ones standing were West Coasters proving yet again to be the best side of Australia.
SlaveCompanion Auction
On the 14th April, we witnessed a record breaking auction selling the companionship of Redvelvet Cakez for a massive 300 million gil to <Voyager> Rin Alouette! Some questioning the legitimacy of how the gil was acquired.
(Poor Nani Mitendayo....)
Humanoid or Android?
Ardbert O'stilltide spotted in multiple locations with very questionable movement. Could the androids be getting very advanced? Or are we observing a master at brain off-ing?
OTHER NEWS
FILTHY RATS!
Left: Rats spotted underneath Li*ma, reproducing and lurking in the sewers. How will we purge them? Maybe Squenix should fix their report system...
Have you seen these people? Report sightings to The Materia Times representatives.
Editor: Fabzy Wabzy
27/03/2024
The Materia Times
VOL. 4 No. 1
SINCE 832 B.C.
THE GREAT MATERIA BOOM
THE MANY FACES OF THE WORLD
The gates are opened and Li*ma is filled with the most people Materia has ever seen hailing from all over the world. We took to the streets during peak hours to interview some of the freshly landed <Voyager>'s on Fabz45' in the Morn, Eorzea's #1 talk show.
Zelfie Cahuac & Harri Rumbleblaze visit from Finland and shout out their FC «Faith»
RAT INFESTATION!
<Voyager>'s bypass Materia quarantine laws and bring in a massive infestation of rats. Locals are relieved to see they are swarming on the formerly <NEET> bench.
For each rat, a cat. Fabz45' in the Morn takes a photo with the Cattos of the world.
MATERIA, THE SMUGGLERS PARADISE
With the advent of cross DC travel to OCE, many have taken to seek greater fortunes. Smugglers use this opportunity to transfer gil, goods, and traffic catgirls between EU / JP / NA. Skwenix what have you done...
CELEBRITIES VISIT
Citizens swarm celebrity streamer Arthars Junior as he goes on a none stop 72h long (and counting) rant. Reports state that if you tune in to his stream right now he will still be yapping about why Skwenix made a big mistake. Xenosys Vex also spotted in Party Finder, if spotted /pet that cute bald head.
REUNION OF FAMILIAR FACES
One good thing to come from opening the gates is the return of familiar faces, old friends, and traitors to the Materia citizens. Ronald Mc'donald still barking and handing out happy meals, and Lightwarden Ephitupnuemeimitumia is spotted once more.
Editor: Fabzy Wabzy
20/03/2024
The Materia Times
VOL. 4 No. 2
SINCE 832 B.C.
NEVER MEET YOUR HEROES
A special edition story coming straight from yours truly, F. Wabzy, journalist premier. They say never to meet your heroes, and this story is exactly an example of that. Introducing Cold Warm, an exemplar top tier Black Mage, someone whose actions can be carefully studied and analyzed, a shining example...
...or so I thought.It didn't take long before all was exposed. His dirty tricks, his pocket sandbags. He hopped through party after party and as soon as things didn't go exactly his way... dropped the excuse "family emergency", right before leaving and joining the next party.I could not believe it, so I had to find out for myself. I tracked him down with my personal sniffer dog through the millions of newly arrived voyagers. Finding him all alone on the Li*ma ship. Naturally I had many questions that needed answering so I brought out the lights, cameras, microphone in preparation for an episode of Fabz45 in the morn'... and before I could get past hello, he stared me down and vanished right into another instance...
Moments before your hero turns out to be nothing like what you imagined them to be..."Become your own hero... become your own Cold Warm..." - F.W.
WHICH IS THE BEST SERVER?
We took to the streets once again on an episode of Fabz45 in the Morn' to ask the newly landed <Voyager>'s the most important question that has been on everyone's mind. Which server is the best? We surveyed a huge number of people (1) and this is what we found:
You heard it here first, Sophia is the #1 Materia server as chosen by <Voyager>'s.
COMING SOON BIG DRAMA BIG NEWS
Coming up on the next issue of The Materia Times, we risk it all to uncover the secrets, inner workings, and shady dealings of the upper elites, The Materia Council. We closely examine the drama once again involving Mr. Summerset and the Nitos. Are they all connected? Could The Materia Council be behind this? Who is guilty???
<VOYAGER> HORTHGARS CAUGHT DOING THE DEED ON CORPSE IN LI*MA!!!
<Voyager>'s? more like <Savages>! Their savagery knows no bounds. First the rats, then the PF strats, now this??? What do they teach them across the oceans? We must stand up against this people...
Editor: Fabzy Wabzy
20/03/2024
The Materia Times
VOL. 3 No. 1
SINCE 1853
MATERIA INVASION
IMMINENT!
Materia under the threat of an invasion as Skwenix opens the borders for NA, EU, and JP to cross-DC travel to visit Materia. Starting on the 24th of March until Yawntrail, Materia can now be visited by other DC's like an endangered animal at the zoo.It is expected that many wont be able to survive past the permanent slow debuff (latency) and the shock of the barren landscape that is Li*ma in comparison to their homeland. However, some are bound to remain for a while.Now more than ever will Materia need to unite. Hold strong to your PF strats! We will not be colonized and adopt their heinous ways.
Have you seen these people? Report sightings to The Materia Times representatives.
ZURVAN, THE SLEEPING GIANT?
On an episode of Fabz45 in the Morn', we took to the desolate streets of Zurvan to find out who truly lives there. First impressions were instantly apparent as only 3 people wandered around Li*ma. Bla'que Belladonna answers our questions to uncover the secrets of the server.
And almost as if on queue, a <KUPO!> emerges from the ground.
Zurvan's largest FC still going strong since the inception of Materia. Such an FC perfectly displaying the fundamental essence of Materia and the importance of unity in such a desolate place.
:face_ holding_ back_ tears :
Editor: Fabzy Wabzy
20/03/2024
The Materia Times
VOL. 3 No. 2
SINCE 1853
WHO IS REN BLU???
Deep Dungeon mains or rather, Deep Degens, are one of the rarest spawns in the game. Not because they are few in number, but because they are near impossible to catch. They live their lives locked away in the deep dive, only surfacing between floors and to restock on Sustaining Potions.
For each Dungeon, its own Degen. The Palace of the Dead Degen, Ren Blu, always keeping a lookout on the Leaderboards to see who's score should they beat next. They've cleared on all jobs except warrior, could they be in hybernation?
Content Drought, Tincture Prices, & Marketboard Monopoly
With yet months to go until Yawntrail, the content drought is reaching its peak. Totem parties are constantly running even as late as 5:00AM! With the demand for tinctures never ending, surely no one would be taking advantage of the population and manipulate the marketboard.... right?
A simple search only leads to more questions to be answered. Who does "Marketcrasher" belong to??? Is it one person? Is it a group? A simple case of the rich get richer, and the poor get poorer. Rest assured, Fabz45 in the Morn' will uncover the truth.
HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH CAKE?
Controversy sparks over how much cake is permissible for your typical Materia Ultimate Raider. A specific Month Flower, formerly known as a variant of cake sparks a heated debate over how much cake is allowed to be shown? Why is it Hrothgar cake is allowed but not Catgirl or Lizzerd Cake? What is this injustice? Which cake would you choose?... perhaps red velvet?
THE ABOVE IMAGE DOES NOT REPRESENT FINAL FANTASY XIV ONLINE AND THE CONTENT IT STANDS FOR OR THE PEOPLE RELATED IN THE ARTICLE PLEASE DONT BAN ME SKWENIX
FANTASIA EPIDEMIC
Above: The many faces of chronic Fantasia addict, Charm Eris.
Fantasia addiction has peaked as citizens consume as many as an average 1 Vial of Fantasia every 3 days and some even consuming two in less than 24 hours! If you are suffering from Fantasia addiction, call the 24/7 help line - 1800 FANTASIA
Friendly reminder to forget your jobstones!
Editor: Fabzy Wabzy
04/03/2024
The Materia Times
VOL. 2 No. 1
SINCE 1914
WILL THE TRUTH BE SILENCED?
The great debut of The Redacted Times gains rapid popularity as millions around Eorzea flocked to get a copy of the first volume. And with all the fans, naturally, come the haters.
Chief Editor Fabzy Wabzy speaks live on the matter:"There are some out there that simply do not like fun. They do not want the truth to be spoken... they are afraid to be exposed. But I will not yield, the world deserves to know the truth, they deserve entertainment, drama, and BIG NEWS."As you may have noticed, the paper has been renamed as the upper elites at Skwenix decided to listen to the filthy rats of Eorzea. They have decided that the word "Li*ma" is simply too profane to be used in the party finder."3.3 Profanity and Offensive Language:
We found evidence of this violation from the following behaviour, which led to this warning: Inappropriate comment in the Party Finder" - Skwenix EU's states the charges held against Fabzy.The truth will never be silenced :pensive: :fist:
Above: Moments before the GM sentences Fabzy Wabzy to 25 to life in prison.Below: Fabzy remains stalwart in prison determined to continue reporting on the truth.
CURE I OR CURE II? THE NEVER ENDING DEBATE.
Tensions run high as Cure I and Freecure proc enjoyers clash with Cure II lovers. Riots ensue in the streets of Ul'dah slums as the debate eseclates. Will this ever end? Bystanders predict the Cure I'ers to endure a long lasting fight while others predict a potent attack from Cure II would end it all.
IN-BREEDING SCANDALS SCIENCE DISCOVERIES NEET DRAMA AND MORE!
Continue reading on back!
Anncouncement: Happy Birthday Elyon!
62 years down, 38 more to go!
Officials out on the hunt for a serial name thief who will steal your character name. Be careful out there Eorzeans.
Editor: Fabzy Wabzy
04/03/2024
The Materia Times
VOL. 2 No. 2
SINCE 1914
NEET SAGA CONTINUES
Just when we thought we could put this story to bed, more secrets are uncovered. Who would have known that the original owner of NEET was Seraphina's own brother! A false promise of a greater NEET only ended in a backstabbing ordeal leading to the destruction of NEET.
H0T C4TGIRLS NOT FOR YOU???
DO NOT WORRY!!!!HR0THGARS IN HEAT IN YOUR AREA!!!
LINKPEARL 1800 FUZZY BEARFEMALE EDITION COMING SOON!!!
CARBUNCLE IN-BREEDER
A female Au'ra of the Xaela variant, dark short hair, has been spotted with an abomination of a Carbuncle.
MORE CONTENT TO COME?
Stay tuned and subscribe to The Materia Times for weekly issues and BIG DRAMA.
On the next Volume we will embark on a journey across Materia's most desolate servers, Bismark and Zurvan, in search for the most underground, burried drama.And as always, have content? Book an interview on Fabz45 in the Morn'! Live 24/7.
AETHERYTE SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY
On a quiet night on the 29th March, Li*ma onlookers observed a rare phenomenon of the Iris Gridania's converging as they orbit around the Aetheryte. Scientist Lorena Reid documents two cases at different intervals of this convergence. It is estimated that the phenomenon occurs once every 8 Eorzean hours (24 minutes).
NAME AND SHAME! SLUMP PERCH ABUSERS
VIOLATOR: DASH REGALSHADE
VENUES BREAKING NECC, NEW ENFORCEMENT INC.
A reminder that all venues must adhere to the National Eorzean Construction Code (NECC), Clause 2.3A "..all venues must include a Triple Triad table".
MUSIC BEYOND EORZEA
Irl non-auto barder, Rumi Pleiades creates music from beyond Eorzea. Listen here:
Letter from the Editor
"Thanks to all the readers and supporters of the newspaper. Remember to be nice people! and f
Editor: Fabzy Wabzy
26/02/2024
The Li*ma Times
Materia Weekly News
VOL. 1 No. 1
SINCE 1963
RIZZY LEE QUITS! MATERIA MOURNS?
DC renowned DRK & BLM prodigy Rizzy Lee retires and banishes character from the Aetherial Sea. On the quiet night of the 18th February 2024, Rizzy Lee ceased to exist not before dropping his magnum opus. A 4-hour long stream, his manifesto, a complete A-Z guide on FFXIV and tier lists on all things Eorzea. A must watch from the legend himself. Local citizens shocked as they heard the news, while some rejoiced in his departure as PF is now safe.
When one door closes, another opens.
| Above: Sophia honours the memory of Rizzy. Swords out for the Rizzler | |
|---|---|
| From left: Cevi Cevi, Yukina Reni, Raid Relief, Fabzy Wabzy, Isara Zel'rin, Eden Eden, Charli Charli, Araki Dayir, Harmonia Abaricia, Mide Oronir | Taken by: Araki Dayir |
Above: The
A shadow of its former self.
NEET IN SHAMBLES
The three founding partners of NEET quit the FC leaving it in ruins, many yet to follow. The 5-time rebranded FC, formerly known as GERB, has once again taken up a new name. We interviewed one of the leading members, Seraphina Nitos on the streets of
Have you seen these people? Report sightings to The
NO SLUMP? NO PERCH!
Reminder to all
"...no slump = no perch..."
COUNTDOWN TO YAWNTRAIL
Skwenix set to release Yawntrail in SUMMER 2024. Which summer? Materia Summer? Aether Summer? Light Summer? EORZEAN SUMMER?... time will tell...
MALBUNG CAKELOGOS SPEAKS
WHO IS THE RAVEN OF RAVANA!?
Read more on back.
Editor: Fabzy Wabzy
26/02/2024
The Li*ma Times
Materia Weekly News
VOL. 1 No.
SINCE 1963
INSIDE SCOOP NEET DRAMA!
Who would have known! NEET never belonged to the Nitos, Seraphina said in an interview on Fabz45 in the morn'. Could it have been a coup? A revolution? One things for sure, it resulted in NEET exploding into 5 mini FC's; <SHINY> <BUNNY> <2077> <AU RA> <EXILE> and more! Will the drama ever end?
H0T CATG1RL IN YOUR AREA!!!
LINKPEARL 1800 H0T CAT :3
MALBUNG CAKELOGOS SPEAKS! WARNS OF THE "RAVEN OF RAVANA"
We took to the streets of Ravan to find out who this "Raven" was. Also known as the "White Ibis", "Raven Ibis", "Ibis Black". Though very little is known, Malbung Cakelogos stated that he is a "blight upon Ravana". Still many questions to be asked. Who is this "Raven"?
SOMEONE SAY CONTENT?
Need content? Have content? Book in an interview with Eorzeas greatest talk show. Fabz45 in the Morn'! Live everyday from 9-10PM!
OLGIERD EVEREC'S BALLS HANG LOW?
On an episode of Fabz45 in the Morn', Eorzeas greatest talk show, an anonymous caller posed the question on how low do his balls hang!? To no ones surprise, Olgierd responds:
(2cm = 0.787402 ilms).
Above: Lucius Mercer stands stalwart in the face of backlash.
..."I don't care"
The Controversial Legend?
An overnight sensation as Lucius Mercer becomes an Ultimate Legend. Many have taken to question how he could have done it in such a short amount of time. Sprout billboards spawn around
The Mythical Hrothgar
The search continues for the fabled mythical only straight Horthgar in Eorzea.
KIDNAPPER AT LARGE
DO NOT ACCEPT PARTY INVITES FROM THIS PERSON!!!
Serial duty roulette kidnapper known to hold innocent
Survivors report being held in 8-man DPS Titan for as long as a full lockout!
T.M.T. Archives
Materia Weekly News